KYLE : An Expose

There is a little-talked about danger lurking within our family. Some people say I'm crazy or I'm imagining things. Well I've spent the last two years gathering photographic evidence to prove once and for all that this boy is a danger to everyone he comes in contact with.

The earliest proof I have is this photo of Kyle punching me in the face. He didn't give me any warning and I didn't give him any reason to do it. He just felt like it. He may look mad in the picture, but he cheered right up after my nose started bleeding. This was just a hint of how bad things were going to get.



At just over one and a half years old, when most children are happy playing with toys and pretending they are superheroes, Kyle had already decided he wanted to be a gangsta. His first move was to steal my hat so he could start fronting like a real gangsta. I still haven't gotten my hat back and I will probably catch pneumonia and die. Kyle doesn't care.



Next is our camping trip from last summer. Kyle had decided he was going to have a bowl of cereal five minutes before his mom finished cooking the chicken for dinner. When I explained to him that it might be a good idea to wait, he tried to gouge my eyes out with a plastic fork.


Luckily someone was there to pull him off of me before there was any permanent damage.


Very unhappy that he didn't have my eyes for trophies, Kyle searched for a more unsuspecting victim. This time Uncle Kevin was saved from horrible difigurement or maybe even death when dad showed up to pull him away.


Has anyone ever wondered what happened to all those cats Uncle John used to have? He had like 20 of them. Then suddenly there were only 2. Haven't you ever wondered what happened to all those cats? Watch Kyle next time he is over there. He gets up in his fort and waits for the cats to wander by and then launches a rock and well...


Look! He's doing it again!!!


I know, that last part is one of the reasons you people won't listen to me and you claim I'm the crazy one and not Kyle. "If Kyle is crushing the little kitties with rocks, where are all the little kitty bodies?" I've heard that question and although I don't have a photo catching him in the act yet, I've got enough circumstantial evidence that says he's feeding all of his victims to this dog:


So you can ignore my warnings and my PROOF all you want. Just don't come crying to me when Kyle catches you with your back turned one of these days...